A few years ago I was seated around a large dining table with a group of friends and acquaintances when I was put on the spot, and asked, “What’s your purpose in life?” I was stunned that a stranger I had only met hours ago was trying to deep dive into my personal life, but not as stunned as I was at my decision to hold back with my answer. I knew they were asking me because I wasn’t working a full-time job and seemed to be living life on a whim based on previous conversations we’d held throughout the night. I hesitated, sipped from my wine glass, and offered up a response so shallow and surface-level because at the time I was simply insecure with saying, “I just want to make a difference.”
Like many, I’ve experienced the pits of living hell and I, fortunately, have had my fair share of burning grief. It was in those moments of being as young as 18 years old and understanding that status, wealth, and the material things didn’t matter in this life. They're incredibly cheap & worthless if you ask me, but meaning? So how do we have a more meaningful life? The simple version: You choose it. When I was 20, I sat down with a notebook and pen and decided that I wanted more out of life and spent that night brainstorming on what I deemed as the most important aspect of life. While that list has evolved just a little, I’ve spent the last nine years of my life dedicating myself to have a more purpose-driven life than I’d lived in the former, and here’s how I did it.
Know What’s Important To You. Whether we are aware of it or not, every single one of us operates based on a different set of values in which we build our lives around. For me, that’s faith, habit, personal development, making a difference, and love. These are the five areas that I consciously strive to pour into every week and they bring me a sense of fullness every single time that I do so. Before I defined my values, I truly was guessing my way through life with no direction of where I was heading and you’ll be the same if you don’t get a tight grip on yours. There’s probably an upward of 20 items that we value but in reality, our day to day decisions are usually influenced by our top 5. I’d highly suggest sitting down and deciding what you value most if you’re not already aware. And if you are and somehow are feeling discontentment in this life, I’d encourage you to have a personal conversation with yourself and get to the bottom of why you aren’t living up to those values. You can find plenty of resources online to help you navigate this exercise as you begin to redefine your life.
Note: It’s never too late to do this. Values are important because they allow us to grow and develop. Think of them as a guideline for the future that you want to be living in. It sounds like a grade school concept but it’s a very important one.
Pursue Your Passion. Make a list and write down things that genuinely make you happy. These things can be simple: dancing, sewing, gardening, spending time with friends, volunteering… whatever brings you joy. And also be sure to make a list of WHY these things make you happy. Once you understand the why, you’ll open up more ways to live your life that also provide that same outcome. For example, I got a sense of fulfillment when I chose to dedicate a few years of my young adult life to minister to teens across the DFW metroplex. My tenure was filled with many fun times like camping in Colorado, road-trips, Sunday morning trips to church, and watching teens choose Jesus for themselves. There were after-school homework sessions and random weekend hangouts and the biggest plus was that I was making friends with adults along the way who shared in that passion. Seriously, it was the most fun I’ve ever had in my life. But this wasn’t my why, it was simply a by-product.
Volunteer ministry meant walking alongside real people who were living real life. There were deaths, homelessness, divorces, deportation, suicide attempts, and suicide successes. There were many days when it just wasn’t pretty… and this was the part that I so willingly signed up to be present for. I wasn’t there just to serve teenagers and play a very small role in their lives, I opened up about my own just as equally. What I discovered through volunteering was that I had a deep passion for finding ways to relate to humans. When you create genuine bonds, it allows for full transparency, honesty, and vulnerability which is healing for the soul. There is nothing more soothing than realizing that you aren’t alone in your life struggles, even though they vary, they all end up hurting just the same.
Be Self-Aware. Be aware of what you’re thinking, what you’re saying, what you’re doing, and even what you’re listening to. What you ingest is what you digest and nobody wants to be on the receiving end of your crap. I like to look at the benefits of self-awareness not just for my gain but for the wellbeing of others as well. It’s at the end of the day when you reflect and realize that you were irritated at one thing and chose to be short and sharp with the cashier because you didn’t feel like talking. It’s the moment when you look back and realize you could’ve helped that woman pick up the produce she accidentally knocked over in the grocery store instead of deciding that you were in too much of a hurry to lend a helping hand. Self-awareness is understanding that you’re not always right and have flaws that will need your attention daily. Do you speak kindness every single day to your children? Are you gracious to your spouse? Are you friendly to your neighbors and are you aware of the strangers who are around you? It’s the ability to focus on yourself and understand how your actions, thoughts, and emotions do or don’t align with your internal standards.
Having a more meaningful life, in my opinion, is all about focusing on what matters the most and the things that are important to you as an individual. I can’t tell you how to live, what you should be living for, and why. I can only do my best to encourage you to use the days that you do have to figure that out for yourself. I believe that each and every single one of us was put on this earth for a purpose. That purpose is to not only grow us as individuals but to help change the world around us for the better.